Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
