just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
