My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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