just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize