maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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