True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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