evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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