LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
