corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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