He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
