She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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