ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
