my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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