you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
