your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
