You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
