is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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