Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
