Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
