Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
