So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
