I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize