dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Shame is for Republicans.
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