I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
