i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize