this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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