wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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