I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
