she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
