There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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