He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
