Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
