Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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