Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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