Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
