My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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