5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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