i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
