EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
