I puked a lego.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
