It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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