I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
