i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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