my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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