Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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