somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
