i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
