New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
