i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
