Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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