she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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