Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just had sex on a roof
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
