haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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