Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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