I wish life had little blips of pornography
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
