She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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