So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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