Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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