HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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