I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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