I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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