Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
