I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
