I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
