I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
