Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
