i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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