you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
