Michael Bay diarrhea
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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