just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
