walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
