Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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