The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
